My show that ended in february went surprisingly well. People liked my pictures and responded well to them. If this is the case, then why do I as though I've suffered some terrible failure? Is that what's deep inside of every artist? The need to expand, to change, to evolve, to manipulate the way other's see the world around them into a more palpable version of what I claim reality to be in order to feel as though I've done my job?
I'm not unhappy or angry. I'm just...left lacking, for loss of better words. I see the comprises that I made in trying to please others, but feel as though I haven't done enough to please myself artistically. I searching for a change in my work. That driving force that'll somehow allow someone to recognize my work in a room filled with other creative aspects and outlooks on things(whatever it is that they create), but something that's most importantly a clear reflection of "me".
How do I allow myself to find myself in what I do? That seems like such a silly question, but it's the very thing that I wake up and eventually fall asleep asking myself everyday. Why do I feel this distaste for what I'm creating currently? I keep feeling as though I could be doing more or that I should be working differently. I feel like my work should have more cause or more purpose, more direction, more and less discretion as far as subject matter all at the same time. I want to evolve, but I feel as though I've trapped myself in a box, appearing as just another one of those one trick ponies that people either love or begin to loathe after time.
How does one change while remaining the same? How do I keep doing what seems to work for me now while finding that much needed "umph" that I'm soo desperately searching for in my work without losing a grip on what personal iconography I've already built up in my work? I just repeated myself, didn't I? Lol.
I guess it's the age old question all over again. How do you follow in your hero's footsteps without becoming them?